|
|
It is well know among those who know me, that I love quotes! So I could not have a site with out them. Hopefully these will bring a smile to your face, enjoy!
Any
master of battle should always take stock of his friends as well as his enemies.
Knowing both can, in time, be profitable.
~ Anonymous
"Pleasure's
a sin, and sometimes sin's a pleasure."
~Lord Byron
He had died of natural causes--because a
dagger in the heart naturally kills you.
~Drizzt Do'Urden
I can resist everything
except temptation."
~Oscar Wilde
"I told my
psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone
hasn't met me yet."
~Rodney Dangerfield.
"You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles
a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she
is."
~Ellen DeGeners.
"Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and
anyone going faster than you is a maniac."
~George Carlin.
~George Burns.
"The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write
with."
~Marty Feldman.
"If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. There's no use being
a damn fool about it."
~W.C.Fields
"Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then
a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.' "
~Charlie Brown.
"USA Today has
come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75
percent of the population."
~David Letterman.
"Work is the curse of the drinking classes."
~Oscar Wilde
"Arrogant and right is surely better than humble and wrong."
~Geoff Arbuthnot
"Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to
listen to our grandparents breath through their noses when they're eating
sandwiches."
~Jim Carrey.
"Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather
straps."
~Emo Philips
"Tragedy is when I
cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die."
~Mel Brooks
"I'm so unlucky that
if I was to fall into a barrel of nipples I'd come out sucking my thumb."
~Freddie Starr
"My neighbor asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he
could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden."
~Eric Morecambe
"Money couldn't buy
you friends, but you get a better class of enemy."
~Spike Milligan
"Nice to be here? At
my age it's nice to be anywhere."
~George Burns
"If you cannot read this, please ask the flight attendant for
assistance."
~United Airlines Flight Safety Brochure
"You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never
try'."
~Homer Simpson
"History will be kind to me for I intend to write it."
~Winston Churchill
"Without question,
the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that
the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well
with pizza."
~Dave Barry
"Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others."
~Groucho Marx
"Ah, yes, divorce,
from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his
wallet."
~Robin Williams
"Sometimes I wonder
if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and
just visit now and then."
~Katharine Hepburn
“I once had a rose
named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the
description in the catalogue: "no good in a bed, but fine up against a
wall."
~Eleanor Roosevelt
”The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending and
having the two as close together as possible.”
~George Burns
”Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year.”
~Victor Borge
“What would men be
without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce.”
~Mark Twain
“Whatever
women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good.”
Luckily, this is not difficult.
~Charlotte Whitton
“When
his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on
the ground and yelled up to the heavens, "Why god? Why me?" and the
thundering voice of God answered, "There's just something about you that
pisses me off."
~Stephen King
"Love is temporary
insanity curable by marriage."
~Ambrose Bierce
"I like children -
fried."
~WC Fields
"Insanity is
hereditary: You can get it from your children."
~Sam Levinson
"There are two
things in life for which we are never truly prepared: Twins."
~Josh Billings
"Once you can accept
the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes
with plaid comes easy."
~Albert Einstein
“Always do right. That
will gratify some of the people, and astonish the rest.”
~Mark
Twain