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.:Disclaimer:. I don't own Trigun or Cowboy Bebop.
Author: AnonymousTrigunOtaku
Genre: Angst/Tragedy/Romance
Rating: PG-13
Synopsis: This is an angsty Vash/Meryl songfic, the first in two. The song is "No Reply" from Cowboy Bebop, and this songfic is the first of two songfics. The second is going to be Vash/Milly and use the song "Rain," also from Cowboy Bebop.
Warnings: character death, angst, drinking/alcoholism, manga influences, fluff, implications/themes, mild language warning for one line in the song "Rain."
Chapters: 2, chapter 1 is set to "No
Reply" from Cowboy Bebop The Movie, and chapter 2 is set to
"Rain" from the Cowboy Bebop anime.
Author's Note: I space paragraphs using the space bar since the paragraph insert feature doesn't work with my HTML program. So there may be slight variation in where the paragraph begins (normally my indent is a 24 space double indent). That's a nitpick, but it annoys me, and I hope it doesn't annoy you.
No Reply
Like the perfect ending
It won't be long
Till everything I've ruined has seen me gone
In time, I pray you'll forgive me
Now you know the man I am
Can you forgive me?
Everything seemed normal that day. In fact, too good to be normal. It had been two months since Vash and Knives had returned to the place now called Wells City, for the well that tapped into the largest known freshwater aquifer on the sandy planet-providing the city with a seemingly unlimited supply of fresh, clean water, a means of growing huge amounts of crops, and the ability to become a large city. It was almost like Arcadia-but appeared that it would surpass even Arcadia in beauty and being a more than tolerable place to spend one's life.
The blonde smiles the true smile as he looks out the window, then to the woman nestled in the covers on the other side of the bed in which he is resting. A week after Vash had returned with Knives from the battle in the desert, oddly enough, Meryl had proposed to him. Long engagements were not traditions in the sandy planet, so the next day, both had rather awkwardly faced the town judge in vowing their love for each other.
As for Knives, his apparent change of heart also had given Vash some hope for the future. Upon awakening from his coma a month before, Knives was paraplegic-and oddly enough seemed to be grieving. A late-night talk between the brothers had revealed Knives's reasons for the events of the last months-his wanting to kill his brother in their battle rather than simply convert him to plant superiority, his grieving now-Knives had lost the only creature he had ever loved, though he was loath to publicly admit that his feelings ran so deep for a spider of the same gender. Given the chance to sort out his feelings over Tessla's death so long ago, over Legato, over everything else, Knives had finally somewhat-realized the errors of his ways. While he still hated humans and considered them lesser spiders, he had agreed to kill no more.
A wrenching cry from the next room brought Vash back to the saddest part of his new reality. Milly still stayed in the house with him and Meryl, and soon after she had learned that she was actually carrying Nicholas D. Wolfwood's child, her previously cheerful front fell away as if it were brittle glass in a storm. Milly's grief for her dead lover and bitterness over the circumstances of his death had finally, slowly caught up to her over the last two months, now that she no longer had her job at the well to keep her mind off her problems, and the taller of the insurance girls now spent her days in her room, alone, screaming out her grief.
The wails opened the still-raw wound of Wolfwood's death for Vash, and he now cried most of the night as well-although he could not really understand the depth of Milly's sorrow, he at least had Meryl there and he wasn't alone-something he felt guilty yet apprehensive over. Wolfwood had been a reminder that those who became too close to him usually died-and, he sometimes thought in his darkest moments, if such harm would come to a friend, what kept it from coming to his love, his wife?
Usually, though, Meryl seemed almost able to sense when he was thinking such things, and would attempt to soothe him by scratching his head, snuggling against him-things that reminded him so much of Rem-which sometimes worsened his emotional state, other times bettered it.
I fall
Like the sands of time
Like some broken rhyme
At feet no longer there
"You know, you really need to get a job, Vash." Meryl's voice awakens the blonde from a hazy sleep around five the next morning. "I found a list of work here today, and I want you to start contributing too. Milly can't work anymore, Knives can't work, and my hazard pay and waitress paychecks-"
"Wait a minute, Meryl. . .once you got me to sleep, you were up all night balancing the checkbooks again, weren't you?"
"Someone around here has to be responsible. You're a layabout, haven't worked since you got back-"
"I had to watch Knives, to stay with him until I was sure he wouldn't kill again."
"I understand that. . .and I love you for it. Nevertheless, we now have not only you and I, but Knives and Milly living off of my two small incomes. Knives can't work yet, and Milly is too broken up to do anything now. . .and what with the hospital bills for you and Knives, the food bills for all of us, the rent money, I can't make it work anymore." Meryl sighs, reaching for the glass of antacid/bromide seltzer next to her.
"You've been going through a lot of that lately."
"Goes with the territory. Bernardelli's sending me more work, I have longer shifts at the saloon, all of this budgeting and whatever. . ." She flops onto the bed, appearing exhausted, holding her left shoulder as if it were injured.
"Meryl. . .can I-"
"There's not much you can do, it's not like it's broken or anything, I guess I just spend too much time in that chair typing out reports. . .mmm, thanks. . ." Meryl leans back onto Vash as he begins caressing her shoulders and arms, then kisses her head. "Don't tell me you're wanting something again. Last night was enough for-"
"Not this time. . .don't worry."
*If only I could call the rain to melt and wash away the pain you feel
I would
You gave yourself to me and showed me what the truth could be
For that, I say thank you
This was my life
It never made much sense to me
A few hours later, Vash settles into one of the chairs at the small table in the house, noticing Knives sipping a glass of water and Milly picking at a plate of pancakes and sausage. "Hey, Knives, why don't you have some food? It might make you feel a little better-"
"Only spiders and those like you who live like them need food. I do not. . .you know, Legato really liked pancakes. Of course, he liked anything sweet, but that spider could eat fifty of the things and still want more."
Meryl brings her own food to the table, then rather limply collapses into her chair. At that, Milly looks up from her food and her sorrow. "Meryl, are you sure you're all right? You look really pale and sweaty and my great great aunt looked that way before she got really sick."
"I'm fine, Milly. I've been cooking for the last hour is why! So I see the house idler is finally here."
Vash scratches the back of his head nervously, expecting Meryl's fist to find a resting place on his face in a few seconds. ". . .I kinda fell asleep soon after you did."
"Well, did you at least read the jobs report?" Meryl appears too tired to be angry.
"Yeah. . .and they said they needed a sheriff here. Nothing much happens here so that would still give me time to tell everyone about love and peace-"
"More like gobble doughnuts, drink, and be a general annoyance to the town. If you actually get that job, I'm questioning the mayor's sanity!"
"Now, now don't get so upset Meryl. I think you'd make a great sheriff, Mr. Vash. You're always wanting to keep the peace, and that's just what good sheriffs do." Milly smiles as she licks syrup from a spoon. "And besides, maybe you could keep anyone else from getting hurt."
Knives growls. "Spiders. No one can stop their destructive desires, their evil wishes, their sickening-"
Meryl swats Knives over the head with her wooden spoon. "Now, I have heard enough out of you, Millions Knives! If you're right about this, Mr. high-and-mighty Plant, then why don't you out of the largesse of your superiority help these allegedly lesser beings rather than harm them? Why?"
"Ow! Leave me, spider!"
Meryl sits heavily back in her chair. At that, Milly looks even more concerned. "Now Meryl, you really need to rest. I'll fill in for you today at the saloon and I'll show Mr. Knives how to write reports so you can just have a day off."
"Milly, I don't want a day off."
"You need one. Otherwise you'll burn out just like I have." Vash watches for a few last minutes as Meryl tiredly cleans up the breakfast dishes, as Milly begins attempting to teach Knives the finer points of using a typewriter. Then, as he leaves the house, he sees Meryl apparently taking Milly's advice, slumped over the couch. "Man, she must be feeling really bad to actually not work for a day. . .Meryl. . .but she said she went to the hospital a week ago on her lunch break and they said she was fine. . .I know. I'll bring her some flowers, some of her favorite drink-now what was that again, champagne or brandy-I mean, if I wasn't feeling well I'd like something like that."
With every lie that I lived
Part of me would fade
Into this empty shadow I've become
And now I feel so numb
I no longer know myself
But I still know you
"You're hired as the sheriff of Wells City then. I have a feeling that no one dangerous will show their face once they learn we have the legendary outlaw himself as a sheriff!"
"No, don't let that rumor out." Vash sighs, "There are too many bounty hunters who would blow the whole city up in a minute's time for my reward."
"Fine then, I won't. You start work tomorrow anyway, and here's something for you." The mayor opens a closet, lifting out a large navy blue trenchcoat that almost perfectly matches the red coat that Vash used to wear almost all of his days, aside from the color and the buttons being a resplendent gold rather than black. "That woman who saved your life made it during those days while you were gone. She insisted that it be kept in here, the safest place in town. I think she forgot about it."
The blonde slides into the coat, noticing how similar it was to his previous coat, smiling at Meryl's gesture of love. She knew him better than he knew himself sometimes. Vash slides his badge wallet into one pocket on the left side.
"You start work tomorrow."
"Thanks, Mr. Mayor-by the way, can I use your, um, my phone? Just for a second."
"Sure thing."
He leans onto the desk, picking up the phone. "Sara, can you connect me to house fifteen? Thanks."
Oddly enough, no one answers for the first rings. A quick chill rushes down his spine, but he disregards it-Knives was in no condition emotionally or physically to cause anyone any harm, and would be typing up those reports. And Milly was filling in for Meryl at the saloon waitress job that day. He smiled at the next thought-that Meryl was probably hectoring Knives into filling out the reports in double time. "Hey! You have reached the residence of Vash Ericks, Meryl Stryfe, Millions Knives, and myself, Milly Wolfwood. We're occupied right now, so leave a message."
"Hey, it's me, Mr. Vash. Tell Meryl I got the job so she can start worrying." With that, he leaves the sheriff's station, stopping by the general store to pick up flowers, champagne, and something else he knows Meryl likes-chocolate-dipped strawberries.
"That will come to $$60 double dollars."
"Put it on my tab."
Vash looks up from his purchases at the sound of the town ambulance, at the wail as it speeds past the store.
I call
And there is no reply
Like some phantom cry
On ears too far away
The walk back to his house was short. Too short. He feels the cold, piercing dread that has haunted him for as long as he can remember once again as he sees the ambulance parked out front. Vash attempts to reassure himself that it's only something like Knives having fallen from his wheelchair or Milly having an anxiety attack.
The next sound, as he steps onto the until then rather sepulchral outside porch, changes his world forever. Milly's wailing, although the words aren't for Wolfwood. "Sempaiiiiiiiii. . . whyyyyyy. . .not you too. . .nooooooooo. . ."
The blonde listens for a second as he calmly sits the bag down, then slides his sunglasses over his eyes. Maybe Milly was overdoing it. Maybe something minor was all that happened, and Milly, still wounded from Wolfwood's death, had taken it as fatal. At least, those were the only threads of hope to which Vash could cling, as he slowly reaches for the door handle.
I close my eyes and watch as my life passes by
The only thing I see is you
For all the times you walked the line for me and standing by my side
I say thank you
Here lies my life
It never felt real to me
Milly crushes Vash in a bearhug almost the second the door opens, wailing her grief. "Sempai. . .she. . .Sempai. . .I told, I told-"
"Milly. What happened." Vash internally curses himself for his cold voice, his emotionless yet serious demeanor, yet knows that if he allows himself to let that slip for one second, he will also be a helpless, wailing mess.
"Sempai. . .she. . .four hours ago. . .she said that her chest hurt. . .then she closed her eyes and said she felt sleepy. . .when, when I came back to check on her an hour ago, she was. . .she was so still. . .sempaiiiiiiii. . .she looked like Nicholas. . .back in the church. . . nooooooooo. . ."
At that, Vash moves out of Milly's grip, feeling as if he is moving through liquid, walking in the most horrible nightmare ever. "You are her husband, correct?"
"Yeah." He stares over the two medics, both attempting to block his sight but a foot shorter than him, to see her. The love of his life, his insurance girl, Meryl, sprawled over in her reading chair, eyes closed as if sleeping, a book and pen lying on the floor next to her which he recognizes as her diary.
"Mr. Ericks, it is our regrettable duty to inform you that your wife has-"
"NO!" In one move, he pushes aside the two medics. "Meryl. Come on, wake up. There's a report that only you can file and-" No reply. At that, Vash places his natural hand against Meryl's neck. No pulse, no sigh, nothing to indicate life. "Meryl."
You'll always mean so much to me
And there's no reply
And there's no reply
You'll never know how much you meant to me
You'll always mean so much to me
And there's no reply
And there's no reply
You'll never know how much you meant to me
"Tell me. What happened to her-she was only twenty-eight."
The doctor looks at Vash rather pensively. "She had a massive myocardial infarction. . .in layman's terms, a heart attack."
"But you people. . .you said she was all right."
"She never told us of anything besides her jaw, shoulders, and back aching. I'm sorry. . .I'll help you make arrangements if you want."
"Thanks. You may go now."
I close my eyes and watch as my life passes by
The only thing I see is you
For all the times you walked the line for me and standing by my side
I say thank you
Here lies my life
It never felt real to me
Vash throws aside his sunglasses as he storms into his room, ignoring Milly's screaming in the room next to his, roughly dismissing Knives's pokes and probes at his mind. "Leave me alone if you know what's good for you."
The tears flow as he drinks the entire bottle of the champagne that he had intended to share with Meryl, as he thinks of her. The pain from every experience in his life to this point seems to crystallize, to harden around him as if it were ice.
The knock on the door reaches at his drifting consciousness. "C'mon in."
Milly tentatively steps to the chair at the desk. "Mr. Vash?"
"Hn."
"Why did it have to be Meryl?"
"You tell me," the blonde slurs as the room disappears. "I know no more than you."
You in my life
It all meant so much more to be. . .