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Disclaimer: I do not own Trigun, the characters from it, the Great American Smokeout, alarm clocks, pacifiers, or anything else presented aside from my own characters or ideas. Suing isn't nice. Please don't do it, OK? *gives big puppy eyes*
Authors: AnonymousTrigunOtaku and TracyC (aurus)
Rating: PG
Genre: Humor
Warnings: Mild violence, slight fanservice humor in fifth chapter, use of alcohol. Incredibly slight shounen ai (you'll only see it if you look for it).
Pairings: VashxMeryl, MillyxWolfwood, slight Knives/Legato, FayexSpike, RogerxDorothy,
Chapters: 7
Summary: Milly signs Wolfwood up for Gunsmoke's first anti-smoking week. Don't count the flies before they're swatted!!
Until last night and today. You see, last night I decided to make some simple fanart in a photo program-combining a screenshot of Wolfwood with a cutely-placed pacifier (don't get those kind of ideas, and I said pacifier, not pacifist, so go away now you WxV fans-you still have not converted me to WxV yaoi! I have not yet begun to fight!) And I just thought, while talking to some friends, how hilarious a fanfic about Wolfwood attempting to kick the habit would be. . .XD
So.
. .enough of these silly author's notes, on with the fanfic!
Note: I do not own Trigun, the characters from it, the Great American Smokeout, alarm clocks, pacifiers, or anything else presented aside from my own characters or ideas. Suing isn't nice. Please don't do it, OK? *gives big puppy eyes*
"Cigarettes are bad for the baby, darling. I really wish you would stop." Wolfwood sighs, exhaling a large amount of smoke.
"Milly, honey, you know I don't smoke around Selphie." Their child, Selphie, had been born a month before that day.
"You smoke in the house. It's the same thing. She will have lungs as black as yours before she's one! Also, you almost died back there. . .and when you came back to me, you said you never wanted to leave me alone again. . .and these-" Milly snatches Wolfwood's lit cigarette from his lips and unceremoniously throws it in the trash can- "these things will be the death of you yet!" she leans against him, crying pitifully, as the garbage can erupts into flames.
Wolfwood lunges for the nearby pitcher of iced tea that Milly had brought in, throwing it on the flaming papers. "Milly, honey. . .next time you have to make a point-"
"And smoking also starts fires and wastes good iced tea!"
The priest suppresses the rather petty urge to come back with something like "No, Silly Milly starts fires and that iced tea kept our house from burning down," and instead settles for an aggrieved sigh.
"You know, Sempai used to smoke like you do. A lot."
Wolfwood looks at Milly in surprise. "Meryl?"
"Yeah, the first year we worked together I really felt almost sick. She would do just like you do, except she was even worse, she would even light one off of the other. You know how she stopped, darling?"
"Knowin' Meryl, I'd say willpower pure and simple."
"That, but even Sempai needed a little nudge in the right direction. Bernardelli ran a contest that year-first employee to stop smoking and stay stopped won an award and a promotion."
"That's nice. Nevertheless, I don't even think-"
Milly throws a flier down in front of Wolfwood. "'The First Annual Great Sandy Planet Smokeout, sponsored by the Sandy Planet Medical Association and the December City Department of Public Health, begins June 20th. All smokers are invited to quit along with other smokers throughout December City and the rest of the cities. Let's make the sandy planet a healthier place for all of us!' Milly, honey. . .I'm not doin' this. It's-"
"Nothing like an official quit-smoking holiday. Come on. . .if you really loved me you would, darling. . ."
Wolfwood sits there, Milly's eyes boring into his own eyes. "Why do I always get myself into things like this?" he then mumbles the fateful words. "All right, if it would make you happy, honey."
Milly almost jumps up with happiness. "All right then, let's get you signed up on this flier."
Wolfwood exhales one more cloud of smoke as he signs the document, then takes another look at it. "Milly, honey, this is tomorrow."
Milly smiles. "Yes, it really is, isn't it?"
Wolfwood snarls an epithet before catching himself. "Milly. Are you absolutely insane? You expect me to just pick up and quit cold turkey?"
"I don't know what that is, but the general store has all kinds of things to help people quit smoking, they ordered a huge shipment from Sky City yesterday. Everything from pills and powders to some kind of gum and patches. . .or at least that's what Sempai told me. . .so we will go there tomorrow, darling."
"Tomorrow? By that time-"
"It's 12:00 in the morning, Nicholas. . .everything is closed. We don't have one of those twenty-four hour stores like my big big brother ran back home."
"Why did I ever get into this?"
"Because you really deeply love me." Milly smiles her wide smile, walking to Selphie's room. Wolfwood reaches for one more cigarette, but the infamous eye that must be in the back of every woman's head catches him. "Darling, it's already tomorrow. Put that out and go to sleep."
"Yes, honey." Wolfwood crumples the unsmoked cigarette in the ashtray, almost grinding his own finger with it.
"Why do I always get myself into things like this?"